posted by admin on 30, new outlook, small stuff

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Home at last…vacation was wonderful but trying to get back to normal is a lot of work. It didn’t help that we took a red eye home which turned everyone even more topsy turvy than they already were. It might take us the rest of the week but we WILL get back to normal….right?

Once my 30th birthday rolled around I decided to examine the last 30 years and pinpoint a source of stress in my life…and change it. It was pretty obvious to me that I not only sweat the small stuff…I obsess about the small stuff. My entire day is scheduled with the kids, when they eat, when they bathe and especially when they sleep. Always analyzing and reanalyzing to maximize time. I am never late…to anything. I am always painfully early and most of the time I have half assed my entire day trying to get there. What’s the point? I am usually the only one there once I arrive and nobody ever says “Wow! You are so great at being early and looking crappy!”

I am hardly ever spontaneous with my kiddos. I panic if they fall asleep late in the afternoon because I know they will never be ready to sleep at bedtime. I feel like I have missed a lot of precious time with them while they are so little. Yesterday I sat on the couch with them to watch SpongeBob and they both fell asleep on me. At first the panic set in. It was almost 5pm, I hadn’t started dinner, and bedtime is at 8pm! I remembered my new way of thinking and decided to enjoy the moment and just watch some tv. It was wonderful and that one hour was more relaxing than my entire vacation. I started dinner a little late, the kids took a very long nap but everything fell into place and they called it a night about 9:30. The best thing of all…we all survived and the world didn’t end. The dishwasher needs to be emptied, the playroom is littered with toys and we are VERY low on clean towels but taking the time to just relax with the kids made it all ok. I know at the end of my life I will never say “I wish I had made the kids go to bed at 8 instead of 8:30″.

Besides over thinking every second of everyday I have been too damn accommodating the last 30 years. I go to everything that everyone wants me to, I am of course early and stay late, I drive and drive and drive and drive but nobody ever seems to make it to my house for the day. I ALWAYS and I mean ALWAYS give the polite response. I never get into heated debates or tell people they are wrong even though anyone who really knows me, knows that I have a strong opinion…on everything! I am right there to tell you how wonderful and smart you are even though you are driving me crazy with your stupid outlook, dumb decisions, constant drama and “my poo doesn’t stink” attitude. I don’t say anything when I’m treated like I haven’t been there or done that. Yes, I am married with kids but that doesn’t mean I was born that way! I fully enjoyed my teens and my 20′s so you can bet that if you’ve done it then I have to.

30 years is long enough to do and say what everyone else wants hear. The stress has finally caught up with me and I don’t want to waste anymore time obsessing over others when I could be napping with my kiddos! I want to enjoy my hubby’s BBQ without stressing about cleaning the mess and put off cleaning the garage so we can have a picnic lunch in the backyard. So here’s to the next 30 years of doing what I want…no matter what’s on the schedule!