The "Vacation’s" Over
If moods were colors, mine would be grey. I think I’ve been on “vacation” too long. Most of the time my grey period doesn’t last very long because Mr. M2C (that’s what I’m calling him now…don’t shoot me if I change it) takes the kids for the afternoon and I can put on some music and take a long shower. He is always great at seeing that I need an emotional break and showers are where I do my best thinking.
However, here on “vacation” showers last 5 minutes and I can usually hear the kids prepping my brother for some kind of torture chamber. “Vacation” leaves me stressing about “what’s for dinner?” and “what are we doing today?” more than I do at home. This “vacation” is like being a tiger in a cage…a really, tiny cage.
Something about going home to your parents house makes you feel like a kid. Except coming back home with your own kids adds a whole new level of stress.
I miss Mr. M2C. I miss our wine nights. I miss him coming home every night. I miss playing mahjong on our phones trying to beat each other’s score while the kids take a bath. I miss watching bullshit tv with him and laughing until we cry. I miss going to bed and having him there. I won’t go so far to say that I miss him sleeping on the couch but…almost.
Since I moved to Florida, the kids and I have been on “vacation” to California three times…three times in exactly one year. I think I keep coming back to try to connect with something here and to stay disconnected from Florida. I am having trouble fully letting go of what I had in California. In fact, I still have my CA drivers license. The trouble is, I really love Florida. I feel great there and I love the life we’ve made there in the last year…no thanks to me and all of my “vacations”. When I come back here, I never get what I’m looking for and usually leave feeling a bit disappointed. I feel like whatever it is that I am so attached to isn’t that attached to me…
I think I better make this the last “vacation” for a while. I need to put in the effort at home and not run back to California every time things start to get real. Time to stand on my own two feet and stay away from old habits.
Those damn old habits sure do die hard….
